


Secret Love Song

by SpecialWings



Series: Secret Love [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 05:30:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19805734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpecialWings/pseuds/SpecialWings
Summary: It's hard to believe that a handsome, smart, and kind man like Lucas doesn't really have a love story. Thus, his friend got a little bit nosy.Little did they know, that Lucas actually feel envious of their sharing session slash teasing session of each other love story.





	Secret Love Song

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyo! I wrote this fic in my own native language then translated it to English. So I fear, I missed some nuance. But I hope you still enjoyed this.  
> I'm also thinking of making several oneshot focused on Lucas hehehe

"Lucas"

The man whose name being called, looked toward the source of the voice and found one of his best friend was walking toward him.

"Yo! What's up Mark?" greeted him with a wide smile.

"Not good. I think I wrote some wrong answers on my test. How's your exam?"

Lucas snorted. "Can't be true. Mark Lee always nailed his tests. I bet you'll get an A or A-," he then clapped Mark's back, "I just submitted a paper. There's another written exam, but that's for next week."

"Cas! Don't say it like that," protested Mark. "But I'll say Amen to that. I'll be really happy to get an A," he huffed before changing the topic. "Have you eaten yet? Let's grab some meal. The others are already at our usual place."

Lucas laughed in response. "Of course, I never say no to food."

Both of them then waked to a restaurant near their campus which often become their hang-out place. They went straight to a long table where their friends already waiting and talking to each other.

"Yo! What's up guys?" Lucas greeted them with his loud and cheery voice. "What are you talking about? Seems so serious. Some gossip? Share the tea with me too," he sat down in one of the empty seat, followed by Mark who sat across him, right beside Mina.

"Oh shut up, Cas. You just arrived and already ruined the moment by being so loud. We're currently listening to Yeri's venting about her love life. Be considerate!" A tall girl who coincidentally sat beside Lucas replied sharply as she slapped Lucas' back. It happened quite frequently in their friendship, so Lucas didn't mind it, though it still hurted.

"Ouch," Lucas grimaced in pain but quickly averted his attention toward Yeri who is said to be the main topic right now.

"What happened, Yer?" asked Mark.

"Some problem with her boyfriend," it wasn't Yeri who answered but it was the girl beside Lucas.

"Doyeon," called Lucas, "Mark was asking Yeri, not you. Why did you answer and not letting her speak/?

Doyeon rolled her eyes and replied with annoyance, "I'm just helping her to answer! Don't be such an ass, Cas."

"Yeri can answer for herself."

"Guys, stop." Finally Yeri started talking, trying to prevent the upcoming useless and nonsense argument from the two. "I've had enough venting. Anyone else want to share their story? Hoon, how's your said "courting" goes?" continued Yeri with a cheeky smile, trying to divert the conversation.

Jihoon whose name suddenly called, got surprised and his face reddened. All eyes now on him, except Lucas who were already being busy with his order that just arrived in front of him. He was starving and feeding his stomach was much important than the newest gossip or his friends' love stories. Just let them teased Jihoon, as long as it wasn't him who became the victim of their teasing.

In less than 15 minutes, he already finished his food and even considered asking for a second serving, but he decided against it because he thought the day was still young and perhaps there would be another place to buy another food. Hmm... Street food, sounds good too.

Lucas then started paying attention to his surrounding again. He looked around the table. Turned out, now it was Lee Chan who got cornered. Lucas smiled but still decided to not joining the conversation. He pulled out his smartphone, trying to look for another source of entertainment in his social media. Perhaps there would be a bunch of new memes that he could downloaded to update his own collections, for future meme war in his group chat.

"..nah, that's Lucas, should be him." Lucas' name suddenly brought up in the conversation and gained his attention. Would he become the next target? Really, this was some topic that he didn't really want to engage and erm, perhaps, made him a bit envious.

"Huh? Who said my name? Don't bring me up to this convo. I don't know anything, I just finished eating. Lemme eat in peace, bro" intervened him, trying to steer the conversation. However, instead of responding to him, his other friends continued talking about him like he wasn't even there.

"Hmm.. thinking about it. You're right, we never heard something about Lucas. It's our third year here, and never I've heard Lucas' crushing on someone," said Woojin as he nodded his head repeatedly with a serious expression like he just came into some concerning realization.

"That's right, Cas. Don't you have any love story you want to share with us? We're kinda curious, you know," Yeri immediately asked straight to the concerned person.

Lucas' suspicion came true. Now he was trapped in this difficult and hard conversation which he, himself, didn't know how to navigate it, how to answer the question. He let out a sigh.

"Nope. It's non-existent. Guys, you know that I'm really busy, right? I need to keep my scholarship and the language differences don't make it any easier. A relationship will only complicate it."

"Mark, as his best friend, haven't you heard anything from Lucas about his crush or someone who caught his attention?" This time it was Mina who straightly asked Mark which was the closest one to Lucas.

Mark shook his head. "That's also what I'm curious about. I've never seen him hooked up with someone at party," answered Mark, then he turned to Lucas, asking his own set of questions. "Cas, you don't have any plan to start a relationship? You got the face, the brain, and the heart, though you're a crackhead most of the time, isn't there anyone who like you? I mean at least there are several people out there who try to gain your affections."

"Thanks for the compliments Mark. But I'm not looking for a lover or a relationship right now," replied Lucas calmly.

"Wait, hold on," Lee Chan a.k.a Dino piped up, "I think in this table, only Lucas and Yuqi who don't have any significant others yet nor any crushes. So, I have this great idea that you two start dating." He who just succeeded to got away from the torture of his friends' teasing decided to further sacrifice Lucas and added oil to the fire.

"Why you bring me up?" protested Yuqi. "Sorry Cas. I know you're handsome and we're close to each other, but sorry you ain't my type," continued Yuqi.

"Same here. You ain't my type," replied Lucas, "Listen guys. Yuqi and I are like siblings. She's already like my younger brother. Yup, younger brother. I said it correctly, not a mistake."

Yuqi nodded in agreement. "We are best bro, right Cas? I've already had enough with teaching him Mandarin and Korean. Don't want to add unnecessary additional times to meet him."

"So what's your type, Cas? Lemme know, perhaps I can help you, I've lot of friends, you know," asked Doyeon. Now every pair of eyes watched Lucas, waiting for his answer. All of them were really curious.

"You're still normal, right Cas?" continued Woojin, further cornering Lucas.

"Oh, stop it guys. I don't need your help. I can look for myself, stop being so nosy," Lucas started to feel annoyed.

"Oh-oh!" Suddenly Changbin exclaimed a little bit loud. It seemed like he just got a brilliant idea. "Today's Friday. It means tomorrow is a day off. So, let's go to a club or a bar, we can help Lucas looking for his special one. Who knows he can meet his lover there, just like that Ed Sheeran's song." He explained his plan with a wide grin.

Lucas scoffed and showed his protest clearly, "That's what you want. Don't use me as an excuse, dude."

"Come on, Cas," persuaded Changbin, "the others also agreed, right?"

"I'm in, but let's go home first and meet later in the night, around 8 or 9. It's still too early. Let's freshen up first," suggested Doyeon followed by several words of agreement by the others.

"Erm.. I've already had prior appointments," Dino said meekly.

"Where are you going? A date?" investigated Yeri. Dino just smiled shyly. A second later everyone started teasing him again.

Lucas sighed in relief. At least he was no longer the center of attention. It wasn't that he didn't want to go with his friends, in fact he really wanted to hang out with them because it had been such a long time since they got together like this, but he didn't want his friend trying too hard offering him toward some girls or vice versa, trying to find him a lover.

Lucas glanced at his phone that lied on the table, he swiped gently on the screen to find out the time as well as checking whether there was any new message. He saw some notifications, from Twitter, Instagram, and KakaoTalk. He opened the chatting application first and saw other than his group chats, he got one personal message that seemed to answer his friends' invitation to hang out tonight. A small smile appeared on his face.

"Guys~" Lucas said a little bit loud to ensure the others heard him. "I'm going first. Sorry I can't join tonight's fun."

"Wait Cas! You're the main star, you can't go." exclaimed Mark.

Lucas just laughed. "That's okay, you can have fun without me. Don't cancel it, Changbin will be sad and sulking the whole night." He took out his wallet and took out several thousands won to pay for his food.

"Why so sudden? Did something happen? Where are you going?" 

Lucas grinned. "Of course looking for a lover. Y'all asked me to find one, so I'm going to find one," he let out another laugh and then stood up, about to leave the table and the restaurant.

His other friends were in the state of half-trusting his statements. They didn't know whether it was really the truth because Lucas often joked around.

"That's my bro. Good luck Cas!" encouraged Woojin.

"Thanks bro! See you around, bye bye!" Lucas went to the cashier, paid for his own order, and left his friends, not caring that he left them in confusion and still questioning his sudden leave.

* * *

Lucas walked happily, there was bounce on his step. Okay, he wasn't able to hang out with his friend, but there was something more important and happier that he would do.

He fastened his pace when he saw the exit from the subway station. He expertly navigated his way through the crowd in this busy hour. After exiting the underground station, Lucas kept walking, moving away from the crowd in front of the exit gate as his eyes kept searching for something. When finally his gaze landed on the figure that he was looking for, a wide happy smile bloomed on his handsome face. That figure was standing far away from the crowds and seemed like they were in the middle of waiting for someone.

Lucas felt like running toward that figure and hugged them tightly, pouring his overflowing feeling of missing them. But no, he couldn't do that. He had to restrain himself. He was in public space and there were a lot of people around.

Lucas fastened his pace again, and with his long legs, he didn't need a lot of time to reach that figure. Meanwhile, hearing some footsteps, that figure turned around and when he saw Lucas, a smile also bloomed upon their face.

Lucas stood three steps away. He wanted to get closer, but he was afraid that he couldn't stop himself from hugging and kissing that figure.

"Hyung!" greeted Lucas still with his wide smile.

"Hi, Xuxi," the older man replied gently, walking closer to the younger and then he ruffled Lucas' hair.

"How's your exam this week? Nailed it?" asked him again.

Lucas nodded energetically. "I believe in myself."

The oldest between the two continued stroking the younger's hair. "Great job! That's my smart boy Xuxi!"

Lucas could feel his heart filled up with proud and happiness. He liked to be complimented and validated, especially by someone he cared about and someone important in his life.

"Hyung, you are being early today. You said you'll be really busy this week," said Lucas a little bit curious.

"Tonight's meeting got canceled, so I can go home early. However I think I need to work from home tomorrow. I got some free time and I immediately thought of you. I miss you and want to meet you."

"I miss you too, hyung!" replied Lucas. Again, the want to hug his hyung tightly, to let his feeling out, and make up for some missing time, reappeared. But no, he couldn't. Lucas couldn't do it here, on the street, where there were many passerby could see them. However strong the urge was, he couldn't. Of course, both of them were missing each other and it wasn't that they didn't want to hug each other, but once again, they couldn't. 

It had been over two weeks that they didn't meet each other because of their own busyness and actually they also didn't have a plan to meet this week. They just exchanged message or video called between their schedule. Of course, the feeling of missing each other already filled both of them and that's why Lucas was surprised and happy when he saw a message notification that saying his beloved lover was asking him to meet tonight. Without any hesitation, Lucas decided to leave his friends. 

Lover. Yes, that's right, Seo Youngho or more known as Johnny was Lucas' boyfriend who was 4 years older than him. Yes, Lucas indeed lied to his friends. He had a lover that he loved deeply, but the situation didn't let him to show his love openly. If he could, he would like to shout out how much he love the man in front of him from the highest building, claiming the man as his and him his.

This was their secret love story. A love story which still considered taboo in their society and Lucas didn't know whether his friends would accept him especially there was already some image and expectation on him about his choices.

"Have you eaten?" asked Johnny.

"Eung," nodded Lucas. "I just ate with my friends. But if you want to eat, I'll accompany you, hyung. I never say no to food. There's still some space for more food," Lucas said as he stroked his stomach. The answer made the older laughed.

"Did I interrupt your time with your friends?" asked Johnny again which immediately answered by a strong shake of head from Lucas.

"Nope, not at all. They invited me to a night out in a bar or a club after we finished eating. They said they would help me looking for a girlfriend. They were really curious why I don't have one. I refused them, without them knowing I already have a lover," Lucas pouted, "Moreover, I prefer to go out with you, hyung. I want to go there with you." Lucas said the last sentence quietly.

Johnny's eyes got narrowed and his expression turned serious, hearing Lucas' words. Jealousy and at the same time guilt arose. He knew they had to hide their relationship especially when they were in open space.

"Ah I see," replied him, "Then let's just eat. I drive my car here." They walked toward the parking lot. 

"What do you want to eat? Or do you want to go to a club? A bar? You said you want to go with me. I know some friendly place for us."

"Don't bother," replied Lucas. Johnny raised his eyebrows, a sign that he was confused and wanted Lucas to elaborate.

"It's useless,hyung. Even if we go to a club or a bar. I can't dance closely and intimately with you. Okay, we can go to a bar, but I can't hold your hands or kiss you senselessly with or without the influence of alcohol. We won't feel free and courageous cause the fear of being caught will always be there. Okay, let's say we go to a gay establishment, there's still a chance of being caught by your or my friends. That kind of place still located in the same district with the normal one, which my friends will visit tonight."

Lucas didn't know why he acted so childish like this. He didn't mean to snap at his hyung. Okay, he kinda started the conversation but he wasn't expecting his lover to response in asking him in that condescending way like he was some kid.

Lucas didn't like this. He only wanted some quality time with his beloved hyung. This wasn't his intention nor his plan when he finally met with his lover. He didn't want to sulk and made it more obvious that there were some age gap between them. He realized and fully acknowledge their situation and that both of them were suffering with this condition.

Perhaps his previous meeting and conversation with his friends affected him more than he knew. Perhaps during the trip from the restaurant, he kept thinking of what his friends said and it affected him mentally. He also wanted to freely share his love story, sharing his happiness and also some worries and trouble, joking and teasing each other, or even asking for some love advises. He also wanted to say proudly that he was in love, saying that someone made him really happy and let the others know who was that special someone. He wanted to proudly show off that he would go to a date. He wanted to hold his lover's hand and kiss him without fearing other's judgmental gaze. He was really envious of his friends.

And what was that the question of Woojin? Normal? Was he normal? Normality was only social construction. After all, there was a saying that something becomes normal because it's accustomed, because we get used to it. Though, there would be many saying the opposite if this saying was applied to bad examples and Lucas' situation was considered as bad case. If Lucas who is a man love another man and then getting stamped as abnormal would make his friends stopped being his friends? All these thoughts made him dizzy and sad.

Lucas and Johnny continued their short trip toward the car in silence. Actually Johnny wanted to respond to Lucas' words. He had opened his mouth but closed it again. He observed the younger man and realized that his lover was busy with his own thoughts. Johnny knew how to calm the younger and how to distract his lover, but he could only do that in the safety of his car, behind the closed door and the dark windows.

Their long legs fortunately made that silent trip ended fast. After they got inside the car and the door closed, Johhny immediately took Lucas' hands in his.

"Xuxi, baby, look at me." Lucas hesitated a bit before turned to face Johnny. His eyes immediately met with soothing gazed from Johnny.

"What's wrong, dear?"

"Nothing, hyung"

"Don't lie. Hyung know." Their relationship almost reached the second anniversary and they had known each other well enough.

Lucas averted his gaze toward their hands which held each other. Fitted. A perfect fit. He then moved his gaze toward the older's lips. Thick, seemed sweet and luscious.

Lucas then remembered that they were already in closed space right now. He didn't need to hold back. He threw himself towards Johnny's warm embrace. Johnny's sturdy arms returned the hug. Fitted. The embrace felt befitting and warm. 

Lucas looked up and then stole a kiss from Johnny's lips. Another fitting piece. Their interlocked lips also fitted each other.

Fitted. Everything seemed fit each other. They were there for each other, but why their love story seemed like to have no future, especially seeing how conservative the Asian society could be. Oh but, Johnny technically was an American, perhaps we could move there. But then it meant Lucas had to leave his family or worst case being disowned from his family. In the end, it's still the same though, he would go from his family. At least, there would be Johnny who would stay with him. He wished Johnny wouldn't leave him behind too. Thinking of these thoughts, some tears sneaked out from Lucas' eyes without him realizing. 

Johnny who saw those tears, removed those tears with his thumbs. He then caressed Lucas' cheeks gently.

"What's wrong, baby?" Johnny asked once again, full with patience and love.

Lucas smiled weakly. "Nothing hyung. I just let some people words, affected me." Their private moments like this was a special and important moment. However, it wasn't enough. Lucas felt greedy and he wanted to openly date, to hug Johnny on the street, to dance and kiss him in the middle of club's euphoria. He was tired of hiding, but he would never be tired to be together with Johnny and for that sole reason, he would stand firm and fight for their relationship.

Lucas decided to be honest and telling Johnny his concerns. Because communications was a key for a healthy and longstanding relationship. Lucas took a deep breath.

"I just feel tired of hiding, hyung. I also want to call you mine and I'm yours. I want to date publicly in some public place like my other friends. I'm sorry for my childish thoughts. I just want to feel how to love you without social burden and show everyone that this is the man that I love with my whole heart." Lucas squeezed Johnny's hands and the older squeezed back, trying to comfort the younger.

"Don't misunderstand me, hyung. I will fight and stay for our relationship, because I love you so much. These just my wishful thinking."

Johnny understood what his younger lover meant. And no, he didn't think it was really childish. Those thoughts were reasonable. Johnny kissed Lucas again, trying to channel his feeling, the love, the trust, the heartache, the worries, and some comfort toward the younger.

When he finally pulled out from the kiss, Johnny said, "I understand, dear." Then he swiped Lucas' long bangs away to stare at the younger's eyes clearly. Lucas leaned into the touch.

"Actually, I have a surprise for you. I planned to give it to you after diner, but I think this is the right moment."

Johnny wanted to give his younger lover a surprise after a romantic diner, because he was a romantic like that. However this unexpected situation, made him rethinking his plan. After all he was sure his gift would make his beloved happy and also comfort him. Johnny reached out to his suit's pocked and took out something that looked liked an envelope.

"Xuxi, your last exam will be next Wednesday, right?" Lucas nodded. Johnny then gave that envelope to Lucas and asked him to open it.

"What's this, hyung?"

"Open it. A surprise from me. I hope you like it."

Lucas opened it and took out the contents which were two pieces of paper. He read the writings on the paper and his eyes widen in surprise. He looked toward Johnny and looked back toward the paper several times in disbelief. He immediately felt a lot of things. Surprised, happy, touched, and disbelief got mixed at the same time.

"Is this for real, hyung?" he asked in disbelief.

"Of course, the proof is in your hand. A gift from me for your hard work." Johnny looked at Lucas fondly as he said it.

"But aren't you busy, hyung?"

"I've freed up my schedule for you, babe. Actually I wanted to bring you to my hometown but it seems we got no time cause I can't take longer day off. Then I think Thailand is the best second option. It's closer and I think it's also more open and friendly for our kind of relationship. Another plus points we can visit your grandparents' house if you want it. We can also make a stop in Hong Kong on our way back if you want. We have 5 to 7 days for this trip. We can make your dream date come true without any fear."

Yes, now in Lucas' hand there were two plane tickets for a night flight next Wednesday bound for Thailand without a return ticket. Another tears fell down on Lucas' cheeks. This time because he was really touched with his lover's gesture. However, there wasn't only tears on his face, this time there was also smile on his face, a smile that seemed happier than the first time he got inside the car.

"Huh, why are you crying again? You've already cried a lot for today. You get uglier when crying," Johnny caressed Lucas' cheeks again.

"Thank you hyung. I'm really happy, you really make me happy. I love you," exclaimed Lucas as he hugged the older.

"Me too, baby. I love you too." Johnny kissed the top of Lucas' head.

"Now, let's go back to my home. Let's eat delivery. I don't want other people see your ugly-after-crying face. Look, your eyes are red and swollen," teased Johnny.

"Hyung!" Lucas protested with a slap on Johnny's arm and a pout on his face that instead made Johnny laughed.

Few minutes later, Johnny started driving the car toward his apartment with one hand on the steering wheel while the other hand holding Lucas' hand on his thigh.

Lucas glanced at their interlocked hand and Johnny's face. He then smiled. Fitted. They really fitted and belong to each other. And he believed they could stand still. Let this love story a secret between him and his lover, because they were the one who were doing it. Tomorrow when his friends asked him, perhaps he would still say that he got no one. But it's okay, because they didn't need to know, what's important was that Lucas knew his relationship with Johnny was real and not some kind of dream.

**Author's Note:**

> Actually I have several different ideas of how this piece ends. At first I wanted to make them still going to the club/bar and accidentally meet Lucas' friends, but I think i don't want more drama. I also kinda wanted to write their holiday in Thai and how Lucas posted something in his social media and his friends got suspicious. But I guess this is it hehe, unless there's a lot of demand :D
> 
> After translating this, I realized my writing and my English got rusty :(  
>  Still leave me a comment and kudos. They really make my day.
> 
> Talk to me in [@](https://twitter.com/svtblanket)[svtblanket](https://twitter.com/svtblanket) Ask me some question [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/svtblanket) Or [buy me kofi](https://ko-fi.com/specialwings) if you feel like supporting me. I just got scammed for a concert ticket :( and it ain't cheap for me 


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